I Don't Wear Pink

     It's not that I have anything against the color pink, it just has never been my color.  I own a few outfits that have pink in them, and even have a pink dress.  Today I wear pink.  I dug and found the one shirt I have, and I wore it and a smile for someone very dear to me.

     I can't say that I know where this post will go.  I know that I need to write something, and I will do my best for it all to make sense in the end.  Thanks in advance for hanging with me on this one.
     Several years ago, I joined a website called Policewives.org.  At the time my husband had been in law enforcement for over a year.  I was feeling in need of somewhere to go to talk to others that understood what it meant to be the wife to someone in law enforcement.  Through that site I was put in contact with many wonderful women.  Women that came together because of a mutual understanding of the LEO life, and then became bonded together, forever sisters. 
     Over the years I have had the opportunity to meet several of these women in person.  It's one of these women that I'd like to write about now.  Her name is Jessie.  We mostly interacted through the PW website and on Facebook, writing posts here and there. 
     In the last several years, fortunately for me, travel for work began taking me repeatedly out to California.  In May of 2011, I was out there for a conference, and got the idea to see if Jessie wanted to meet.  She was so excited!  Jessie and her husband picked me up from the airport and took me to my hotel where we sat in the lobby and talked like we'd known each other all our lives.  I don't remember how long we sat there, the time flew by.  We laughed a lot, and had a wonderful time chatting.
     Fall 2011 was the next time I went to California, and I was a short flight away from them.  I asked Jessie if it would be okay for me to visit them for a few days after my conference.  She was more than happy to have me.  We planned to go to Reno for a trip to the air races with her brother and husband along too.  She took me to her favorite Chinese restaurant for lunch and we talked.  We laughed and had a wonderful time.  I got to meet her mother, and enjoyed the time the three of us chatted.  That evening, before it was time to drive to Reno, we learned that a horrible crash had occurred at the air race that day.  They cancelled the races for the day we were supposed to attend.  Not letting that get us down, we all packed up for Reno anyway.  We had a great time talking, going to the auto museum, visiting the planetarium, and going out to dinner.
     The third time I got to see Jessie, it was because of a conference in the fall of 2013.  It was to be one of my last trips since I was pregnant with Chickpea at the time.  I let her know I was headed her way again, and she was ready to welcome me with open arms.  Jessie, her husband, brother, and dad all came and picked me up at the hotel.  The first thing she asked to do was rub my belly to meet Chickpea.  She was so happy for us!  They took me to Off the Grid, which is where a bunch of food trucks gather in one location.  We had a blast going to different trucks and trying food.  One of the funniest moments was when we went to the bacon truck to get a piece of chocolate covered bacon for me to take home to my hubby.  Jessie wanted so badly for him to have it that she begged the truck workers to see if they had any left.  Sure enough they had one piece.  The funny part came when later she hugged one of the truck owners and thanked him for finding us the piece of bacon for her friend that was visiting all the way from Kansas.  Turns out it was the truck owner for a different truck!  It was so cute.  We laughed a lot and Jessie took it in stride.  You never know, maybe he needed a hug!  We got a picture in front of that bacon truck, and for the life of me I cannot find it.  It was also on this trip that she gave me this pin.

     I am just returning from the fourth visit I have made to see Jessie.  This trip was by far the hardest.  My friend spent 3.5 years fighting the wretched disease known as breast cancer.  Every visit that I took out there she was battling this disease, and every time I saw her she was smiling and doing everything she could to make my visit enjoyable.  She took the diagnosis as a reason to live every moment to its fullest.  She got her diving certification while on chemo treatments, and took a special trip to dive in the beautiful, warm waters.  She had a special road trip that involved meeting as many of her PW sisters as possible.
     It is so hard to realize that my fourth trip to see her was the last time I would get to see her.  She had been released from the hospital to hospice care.  She was going home to fight for as long as she could being comfortable, instead of having to deal with the horrible side effects of chemo treatments.  When I learned of this last week, I felt compelled to see her.  I booked my flights and hotel quickly.  It wasn't because I thought she was going quickly, but because I knew she needed love and support after having just lost her dad less than a week before getting the difficult news about her own health. 
     My travel out there was crazy to say the least.  I got diverted to Albuquerque, NM while trying to get to Phoenix because of the huge storms.  A night in NM, and I was travelling again Sunday morning to try to get to see her.  All this with Chickpea in tow!
     I got there with the help of her husband coming to get me from the closest place I could fly into, which was 70 miles away.  I spent Sunday afternoon and evening, as well as all day Monday with her and her family.  I could tell that she was fighting hard when I got there Sunday, yet she was still smiling and so glad to see us.  She got to hold Chickpea, which I am so glad for.  She was even apologizing to me for "being a mess."         
    

 

     Sunday she was not as alert, a lot of this had to do with the side effects of medications she was on to keep her comfortable.  At the end of the day I was getting ready to go back to the hotel for the evening.  I would be flying out the next day to come home.  I sat to tell her I was leaving and she said "oh honey," and again tried to apologize for being a mess.  I told her she was an inspiration to so many and that she is so strong.  She smiled.  I let her know that any time I don't think I have the strength to do something, I think of her.  I gave her hugs and kissed her forehead and told her to keep fighting.  I also let her know I'd be in touch. 

     I am so glad that I made it out to see her.  I never would have thought that the next morning when I was headed to the airport that I would be learning of her passing.  She always said that cancer would not beat her.  She was right, it didn't.  She fought to the last breath.  It may have taken her physically from us, but it never will beat her spirit and the impact that she has had on those around her.

     Because of her, I have been connected with her wonderful family and been able to meet several of the other police wives.

     I wear pink for her.  I wear the pin she gave me.  I also wear a smile for her.  Knowing that is what she always brought to me and so many others.  I won't let cancer take that either. 

     I love you Jessie, and you will always be in my heart.  I thank you for showing me what strength is and what living life to its fullest with no excuses is all about.  You are beautiful through and through.  You inspire me to continue to go after my dreams, and live my life to the fullest.  Once a sister, always a sister.

 

All the best,

OkieGal