A Little Introspection

     I have a few things I'm trying to work through currently.  I know I have come so much further than I was before.  I am still having a challenge with certain aspects of healthy living.  At the foundation of my health/fitness journey, I feel like I am struggling with my "why." Meaning why it is important to me, and why I keep going. I am not yet at a point where I just love working out. It still hasn't clicked for me on a consistent basis.
     I completed the 12 week transformation challenge and did well, and feel like there are some great habits that I'm continuing to build on. I enjoy the DDP Yoga DVDs that I'm doing, yet in order to get further results I feel I will need to do more. Where I struggle is that it seems the fit body & healthy me hasn't been enough to motivate and excite me to do what I need to do each day.
     My husband and I were talking about it at length today, and I realized that one of the few time periods in my life that I didn't feel out of place in the gym was when I was doing karate. I was motivated at the gym because anything I was doing was helping to strengthen me for my karate classes. Our tight budget, which hopefully will ease up soon, was the main reason for dropping karate (I also paused when I had Chickpea, who is 11 months now). 

 
      Another piece of the puzzle is that in general I feel like the active, fit person who loves to workout is still aspirational for me currently. In a way, anytime I go to the gym, I feel out of place. It's almost like I feel as though I'm pretending. I can have a workout plan and everything written down to follow, and while doing it at the gym I feel awkward. I have only been working out from home since Chickpea was born, and I know that if I got someone to watch him so that I could go to the gym I would have to face that awkwardness.
     All these thoughts have me asking questions of others that are also working on their fitness journey.  The questions I asked them are:  Is it possible that the love of working out will never click, and it is something that I will always be forcing myself to do? When did it click for you? Did you have to find a passion?
      At the end of it all, I really do want to find a way to just enjoy working out. I want it to be a part of who I am. I currently feel like I'm a little kid playing dress up. It's something I'm playing at, but in reality it is not me. I want to be consistent, because I know that when I have fallen off course it really dings my self-confidence.
     I will continue to explore this, and plan to write more about it after getting feedback from others on it.  If you have feedback or thoughts you'd like to share on this topic, I'd love to hear it!

All the best,
OkieGal

The Year of Following Through

     So I've been out of my normal routine.  A week before Christmas, Chickpea, my hubby, and I all got sick.  Then you put the holidays on top of that, and you have a recipe for some temptation and falling behind.  Well, here I am, owning it and getting back in the groove.  The last few days I have completed my workouts, and after hubby gets back from the grocery store this evening we will have better food choices (aside from the pizza I ordered).
     As I've been thinking about what I want to focus on for 2015, I've settled on following through.  This is not just for my health, it is also in other areas of my life.  Health and fitness is a great example though.  I often get excited and it is not uncommon for me to make it 3-6 months doing well.  Then something will throw me off.  In the past I have lost focus and left the path that I originally set out to follow.  If I didn't see the results I wanted right away, I would get discouraged.
     Another aspect of my life that I will follow through on is cleaning and organizing my home.  I ran across a plan for decluttering and organizing the home in 52 weeks.  Each week has a different area to focus on, and there are 15 minute missions to accomplish each day to help you reach that week's goal.  The Facebook group is called Declutter 365, and the full details about the program can be found at Home-Storage-Solutions-101.com.  It's amazing how just taking little actions toward the goal can help give more motivation.  Today I went through my 2 drawers of kitchen utensils.  I tossed those that were damaged, put duplicates in the donation bin, and organized what we are keeping.  It looks so much better!  The goal is to follow through during the year.  It's easy to be excited now.  The true test will be how I follow through as the year progresses. 

     My 2015 is about following through, and understanding that it is not about an end goal.  Instead, it is about the process of continually moving forward towards the outcomes and milestones I desire.  I will continue to update on health/fitness related progress.  I also will be incorporating posts about other projects that I am focusing on as well. 
     I'd love to hear about your focus for the year! 

All the best,
OkieGal

Challenge Results and Overall Progress

     November 24th, 2014 marked the end of the 12-week transformation challenge that I was a part of with No Excuse Moms.  It was an interesting experience overall, and I am so glad that I participated!  The challenge was a contest, and had many amazing women that were awarded cash prizes.  You can take a look and find inspiration in each of their transformation stories if you visit the No Excuse Mom webpage.
     While I didn't win a cash prize or anything like that, I did gain so much from taking on the challenge.  I am sharing my transformation story here, along with pictures showing progress.  I took a moment to put me at one of my heavier weights from Dec 2010 next to my before (Aug 2014) and after (Nov 2014) pictures from the transformation challenge.  You will see quite a change!  I am excited for how far I have come!

     Here is my transformation story as submitted to judges for the challenge:

     For many years I’ve fought a war with health and fitness.  While I never had extreme weight gain, I wasn’t happy with the reflection in the mirror.  I fought a yo-yoing battle of gaining and losing weight, starting and stopping exercise plans, and going between feeling confident and feeling down.  My heaviest, non-pregnancy, weight was 138lbs on my 5’1” frame.  I knew I needed to be healthy and fit, but it wasn’t sticking.  Typically I started with excitement, stuck with it temporarily, and then something knocked me astray.  Instead of bouncing back, I said “screw it,” and found myself months down the road, spiraling back into bad feelings. 

     On top of my internal battle, people looked at me and asked why I was concerned with weight.  I thought that maybe they were right; maybe I wasn't being grateful for what I had.  However, I was the one seeing what they couldn't see beneath my clothes.  I felt guilty for wanting to improve, yet deep down I wanted change.  I began to lose weight and had gotten down to 125lbs when I found out I was pregnant in June 2013.  I was determined to have a healthy, active pregnancy.  I did well, and within 2 weeks postpartum I was back to pre-pregnancy weight.  With activity, healthy nutrition, and help from breastfeeding, I got to 110lbs. 

     Enter the 12-week challenge.  After finally tackling the weight, I knew I had the opportunity for more.  I could focus on consistency with the healthy lifestyle, and reach for goals hidden deep inside.  The night I decided to do the challenge I sat crying as I talked to my husband.  I didn’t want to admit that my goal was to have a defined, fit, and strong body.  Part of me felt like I didn’t deserve it, and feelings of being ungrateful crept back.  With his support I decided the challenge was what I desperately needed.  My goals were to create a consistent, healthy lifestyle so afterward I could focus on building and defining muscle.  I knew that I would struggle if I didn’t get my attitude and mind in the right place. 

 

     What an amazing ride!  I started out strong and excited, had bumps in the road that tried to derail me, and through it all I did better than expected!  I exercise more often than before, and my nutrition has improved by planning my treats.  The biggest battle was not physical, but mental.  I fought through excuses, and wanting to quit.  Sometimes I skipped a workout, but I bounced back quicker than before.  The biggest breakthrough was in week 11.  I realized treats that were no big deal before made me sick, so sick that I skipped my workout.  Not only does my body prefer healthy foods, for the first time in my life I was sad to miss a workout.  At 9 months postpartum, primarily I’ve gained confidence.  I made great progress and look forward to reaching my next goal!

 

     It was great to write out my progress, because it helped me to acknowledge how far I have come.  Truly the biggest battle I have fought was within.  Doing this has proven that I can follow through on what I set my mind to.  That gives me even more confidence, which propels me on to the next challenge.  I am currently trying a new program by adding resistance bands and allowing that to help take me to the next level.  My Nov 2014 pictures are my new before pics!  We have been told that in January they will be starting another 12-week challenge.  I will be joining again to help keep my momentum going.  I'll post when it starts up, and hope there are others that want to join in too!

 

All the best,

OkieGal

 

Overthinking and Me

     Confession time, I can be quite the over thinker.  In the last week I was over-analyzing things so badly that I actually began to analyze my over-analysis!  That's quite impressive if I do say so myself.  The challenge with this is that it brought on my anxiety about the end of the 12-week transformation challenge. 
     I was spinning, as my husband affectionately calls it.  I was thinking and talking on and on about what I would do next after the challenge to keep the momentum going.  I was over-analyzing it to the point that I was getting nowhere fast. 
     What's funny is that when I stopped and decided to take action instead of just thinking about it, I finally got past it.  I first asked myself, would I be able to go to the gym or would I be working out at home?  The answer for me at this time is still at home.  So then I thought, what do I have here at home that I could use?  Resistance bands!  We have a whole set from when we did P90X.  Then I did a quick Google search for resistance band workout plans, and found a couple of options.  Within 5 minutes I chose one I will be trying.  If you want to take a look, it is here on Bodybuilding.com.  I printed it out, and by doing so I was no longer anxious about the next round.  Combining this new workout program with my DDP Yoga DVDs, I believe I will progress even more.

     I will write more about the end of this 12-week challenge tomorrow.  I spent some time today writing my transformation story, which I'll share here.  I also have to take my final pictures and measurements.  I've enjoyed this despite the ups and downs.  I've learned a lot and now that I have a plan for my next stage, I feel so much better.  I believe that my brain was throwing up excuses and fears to put another bump in my path.  The key is to recognize those things for what they are, and get out of the overthinking by making a decision and taking action.
     I look forward to tomorrow.  It is not only the close of this stage, it is the beginning of my next stage to reaching my ultimate targets!

All the best,
OkieGal

Anxious For Days Ahead

     I've been feeling a bit anxious about the end of the challenge coming so soon.  Not so much concerned with how I did, it is more about what happens after the challenge.  I feel like having the 12-week transformation challenge in front of me has pushed me to continue on the journey.  It would be very easy to fall back in the trap of my old habits just because the challenge ended.  The important thing for me to do in this transition between the end of the challenge and the beginning of the next phase of my journey is to take another look at my goals, and begin to adjust them for my next target.

     In the last week I started doing a couple of the Extreme DDP Yoga workouts to start kicking it to the next level.  There is a lot I can work on in those DVDs.  I did get the closest I have ever gotten to doing the splits though, so that's even better than I thought I could do!  We have resistance bands from when we got the P90X system, and I will be working to get at home workouts together that incorporate them. 
     I will also be working to get even more protein into my diet.  Currently, I need to do an even better job of making sure my carb, protein, and healthy fat ratios are balanced.  I know that I'm on the right track, this area is about making small adjustments.
     The piece that I have had more trouble with than I expected is getting enough sleep.  Last night I got to sleep at 2am, and had to get up for work as usual this morning.  If I want to give my body the best chance to recover and be healthy, I will need to take this aspect more seriously.  Things happen, but more often than not it is just me dilly-dallying around!
     I'm looking forward to the next phase, and I know I will be able to do it.  I just need to keep the momentum from the challenge going to propel me forward.

All the best,
OkieGal 

Winds of Change

     Today I have felt a change, a true change.  It's not the physical challenge that has been the most difficult, it has been a mental battle for me to take on this 12-week transformation challenge.  Today I have finally truly felt something that my husband has said he has for a long time.  I'll explain.
     It was my planned treat meal today.  My husband, Chickpea, and I had gone to the store, and then went to go grab something to eat.  The choice of meal and dessert that I made were both things that I have had before.  In fact, they were both places I had eaten as treats in the early weeks of this challenge.
     The first major difference I found, my body did not react well to the food this time.  Without going into too much detail, I had to leave Chickpea in a safe place on two different occasions this evening as once I threw up and the other time was other bathroom issues.  Not fun at all.  What it made me realize though is that I have made progress with my nutrition.  My body no longer handles well what used to be no problem.  Too much grease, and too much sweet is just more than it can take.  That is a good thing!  I am training my body to eat even better, which will help me to reach my goals even more!
     The second difference is quite a change for me.  I am actually bummed that my stomach is still so out of sorts that I can't do my planned workout this evening.  Let me say that again, I actually for the first time EVER am sad that I can't complete my workout!  That, my friends, is huge for me!  Hubby would tell me that he hates to miss his workout, and I just never understood.  Here I am with a bright, shining light bulb above my head because I finally get it.  If nothing else is, that is a sign of progress.

     Does this mean I'll never struggle with wanting to do a workout again?  No.  There will always be days that I am challenged.  Rising above that challenge more often than not is what will give me progress.  I leave you with a song that inspires me in many aspects of my life.  Take a listen and read the lyrics below.

All the best,
OkieGal

Alter Bridge "Before Tomorrow Comes" Lyrics:

I couldn't sleep I had to listen
To a conscience knowing so well
That nothing comes from indifference
I look inside of myself

Will I find some kind of conviction?
Will I bid the hero farewell?
Will I be defined by things that could have been?
I guess time will only tell
I guess time will only tell

[Chorus:]
So don't let it be
Before tomorrow comes
Before you turn away
Take the hand in need
Before tomorrow comes
You could change everything

I curse my worth and every comfort
That blinded me for way too long
Damn it all I'll make a difference from now on
Cause I'm wide awake to it all
Cause I'm wide awake to it all

[Chorus]

Does anyone care it ain't right what we're doing?
Does anyone care it ain't right where we're going?
Does anyone dare justify how we're living?
Does anyone here care at all?

[Chorus]

We could be so much more than we are
We could be so much more than we are
We could be so much more than we are
Oh this much I know

Wrapping Week 10

     When I look at the calendar, it is amazing to see that there are only 2 weeks left in the transformation challenge.  I've actually been reading through some of my early posts to see how I've progressed so far, and remind me of where I started. 
     While I plan to do more review and speak to that towards the end of the challenge, I did notice an interesting difference over the last few days.  As I mentioned in my last post, I have found that I miss doing the workouts when I don't do them.  My body feels better when I keep moving and stretching throughout the week.  There will be times that I may not be able to practically complete my workouts, yet I now know that stretching out is a better choice for me than doing no workout at all.  My hip and back are especially benefiting from the DDP Yoga I have been doing, and I truly feel it helps relieve stress as well.

 

     In addition to noticing this difference about my physical activity, I notice it with my nutrition as well.  If my food choices skew more towards unhealthy options, I begin to feel the impact.  A treat here and there doesn't seem to be a big deal, it is when I choose the less healthy options for several days in a row that it really makes an impact.  My stomach is more upset and overall I feel weighed down.
     I have found myself wanting to get back into the healthy routine faster each time I stray from it, and this is definitely progress.  Early on in the challenge I was fighting my thoughts to not do the workouts.  Now I am jumping back into them with less resistance.  This is proof that the shifts in my life and the decisions I am making are impacting me for the better over the long term.  Two weeks to go, and I am excited to finish strong!

All the best,
OkieGal