I completed the 12 week transformation challenge and did well, and feel like there are some great habits that I'm continuing to build on. I enjoy the DDP Yoga DVDs that I'm doing, yet in order to get further results I feel I will need to do more. Where I struggle is that it seems the fit body & healthy me hasn't been enough to motivate and excite me to do what I need to do each day.
My husband and I were talking about it at length today, and I realized that one of the few time periods in my life that I didn't feel out of place in the gym was when I was doing karate. I was motivated at the gym because anything I was doing was helping to strengthen me for my karate classes. Our tight budget, which hopefully will ease up soon, was the main reason for dropping karate (I also paused when I had Chickpea, who is 11 months now).
Another piece of the puzzle is that in general I feel like the active, fit person who loves to workout is still aspirational for me currently. In a way, anytime I go to the gym, I feel out of place. It's almost like I feel as though I'm pretending. I can have a workout plan and everything written down to follow, and while doing it at the gym I feel awkward. I have only been working out from home since Chickpea was born, and I know that if I got someone to watch him so that I could go to the gym I would have to face that awkwardness.
All these thoughts have me asking questions of others that are also working on their fitness journey. The questions I asked them are: Is it possible that the love of working out will never click, and it is something that I will always be forcing myself to do? When did it click for you? Did you have to find a passion?
At the end of it all, I really do want to find a way to just enjoy working out. I want it to be a part of who I am. I currently feel like I'm a little kid playing dress up. It's something I'm playing at, but in reality it is not me. I want to be consistent, because I know that when I have fallen off course it really dings my self-confidence.
I will continue to explore this, and plan to write more about it after getting feedback from others on it. If you have feedback or thoughts you'd like to share on this topic, I'd love to hear it!
All the best,
OkieGal
Disclaimer: I am not someone who enjoys exercise, and never have been, but I'm enjoying it more than I have at any point in my life, so here's my two cents...
ReplyDeleteThe only time in my life I've ever stuck with any form of exercise is for the last seven months, when I have cautiously started to identify as A Runner. I don't run very fast or very far, and the day I put one of those douchey stickers on the back of my car is the day I will need the men in the white coats to come take me away, but I am a person who runs, therefore I am A Runner. And for me, having these small, tangible goals have been the key to sticking with it and enjoying it. When I would work out to "look better" or "be healthy," ultimately these endeavors would fail, because a) "looking better" and "being healthy," while noble, are hard to define. When do I look Better Enough? When am I Healthy Enough?
The other problem with these motivations, for me, is that they ultimately come from external sources and/or guilt that I'm not measuring up to some arbitrary standard. Ultimately, they fail, because those reasons aren't important to me. My husband thinks I am beautiful exactly the way I am. Three C-sections and the associated scarring, stretch marks, and soft belly haven't made a bit of a difference to him. If anything, I think he feels I'm more beautiful, because this body grew those kids we're so crazy about. And his opinion is the only opinion that really matters to me. Other women can judge me all they want; if they feel a need to nitpick, it's because of their own insecurities. It's not because of any problem of mine.
But what I've discovered about running is an internal motivation to achieve tangible goals. I don't care about winning, I care about doing better. I ran a 5K in August, which was something I never, ever though I'd do, and now I want to better my 5K time and also run a 10K. Those are goals that I find myself motivated to work toward, because they're measurable. I'll know when I've achieved them. (Probably a whole lot like you and karate).
The other thing is that although there are people out there who love love LOVE working out and would rather do that than anything else, I am absolutely, positively not one of those people, nor do I feel I need to be to achieve my goals. A famous writer--I forget who--once said, "I don't particularly enjoy writing. But I do enjoy having written." That's how I feel about running. Every run is not pure bliss; some are, but most aren't. Sometimes it's just "okay, slog through this and then you're done." So I don't always enjoy running. But I do (with the notable exception of the time I tripped over the pavement and went sprawling and knocked the wind out of myself and was sore for a week) almost always enjoy Having Run. I have not needed my prescription antidepressants for over six months, and I credit that almost exclusively to running, because that's the only thing that has changed. There is no quicker mood-booster than a 30-minute jog, especially if I'm able to go outside. The sunshine, fresh air, and activity are an unbeatable combo for me, and that's what gets me out the door even when I don't feel like it (like today).
Anyway, hope that helps!! And go easy on yourself; it took me 34 years of half-assedly trying different things to find something I actually enjoyed enough to do on a regular basis (and ironically, it is the thing I was fairly sure I could never, ever enjoy).
Thanks for taking time to share! I apologize for not responding sooner. You have hit on several points that others have shared with me as well. Finding something I enjoy, and letting that become a part of who I am instead of something I do.
ReplyDeleteIt's awesome that you have found that activity for you, and are feeling such benefit from it! I have had a few tell me that I may never enjoy working out, and that it is okay. I think just hearing that and knowing that finding my own way to be active is what is important. I'll likely be writing more on that soon.
You've had some great weather the last few weeks! Let's hope it continues so you can take in the sunshine! :)